I was thinking of how Covid might make everyone a carrier of the disease very soon. I am not sure of this but it is a train of thought.

It took me back to the time when I made multiple visits to the US from India with both my kids in tow. We had plans to settle down in India (after living in the US for some years) and had my one kid in a school in Hyderabad. While in India, we had to go back to the US couple of times for some paperwork; unexpectedly the fingerprinting dates for a green card, which you don’t give up easily had come up. During one such visit from Hyderabad there was a health issue and my kids’ pediatrician in New Jersey -a south Asian, forced the Tuberculosis test due to the fact that we had stayed in India past the 6 month period. We did go ahead with it and have since exposed my kid to it.

And in this context I am left wondering which country -US, India, has more points from me for taking care of its citizenry then? Back then I would have thought India lost out because I recall two emergency hospitalizations- one with dengue and another with high fever. But I also recall a pediatrician who I could walk up to or ride to on a bike with my father-in-law. I recall how I was on the brink of breakdown for being dependent on a system that works depending on who you know in the hospitals. Or who you are related to. It is a blessing I am not willing to trade for anything. It comes with the structure I belong to. It is part of my circle of people, my community. Or a really tall brother who would loudly get the doctors to dispense a test because a cousin suggested it or get the staff to dispense the doctor’s orders.

I know my family in the US is safe right now. There are no riots, looting or civic disturbance. But it is faced by others I know of. It is the same structure I will not be thankless for. For the choices we made when we could and because we were able to do so.

One is left to get worked up at the small day-to-day difficulties while the big picture reveals a malaise of those in the margins.

The migrants in India still walking home, the blacks in US. The systemic torture is still systemic torture across the global south and the north.

One is left to deal with the minutiae of the moment. Just be in the moment that I hear all the time! Of the maid who will come and clean up or not. Of the right tadka in the dal, the horrific imli instead of the tomato, the cold tea. Not to mention the number of meals one prepares to devour and satiate.

Malini Waghray